Single White Female - Chapter OneSWF 25, Auburn/green, enjoys music, dancing, outdoors and children. Seeking honest SWM interested in same, 28-35, for long term relationship/marriage. Mikki Johnson didn’t believe in personal ads. It just wasn’t natural. Newspapers, computer dating services, the Internet, blind dates... these just were not the places to meet someone one wanted to build a lasting relationship with. There were plenty of places in the real world where people could meet, become friends, and develop relationships. She tossed the newspaper back in her friend’s lap. “I don’t know why people resort to personal ads.” She said, brushing the subject off and hoping her friends would do the same. Unfortunately, they had no intention of doing that. For several weeks now, they had been trying to get Mikki out of her apartment and set her up with every available man they knew. To their frustration, she was even more stubborn than they were. She couldn’t understand why they wouldn’t just accept the fact that she didn’t mind being single. As a matter of fact, she quite enjoyed her life. If she had been going around bemoaning the fact that she had no boyfriend, maybe she could hav e understood her friends’ concern, but she’d never done anything of the sort, and there was no big event coming up that she would require a date for. She had never been the sort to need male companionship in order to feel complete, why her two best friends felt she should now was beyond her. If... or when... she felt the overwhelming desire to be married, she would be quite capable of finding the right man on her own. In her opinion, her life was not passing her by. “Why not try a personal ad?” Maxine had said one evening when the three of them had been sitting in a booth in the back of Carl’s Diner having coffee. Joey had jumped at the idea, adding her normal dramatic enthusiasm to the discussion. “It’s just an ad. You don’t have to do anything about it. Aren’t you just the slightest bit curious what kind of man might reply? Who knows, you might just meet your Prince Charming!” “No!” Mikki had stated flatly through gritted teeth, and her two friends had pouted back at her. “C’mon Mikki.” Joey had teased. “What harm would it be? I think it might be fun.” “Josephine Webber, I don’t need, or want, that kind of fun. I’m quite satisfied with my life just the way it is. Why can’t you two believe that?” “Boring.” Max and Joey had chorused, and Mikki had glared at them. They had all chuckled good naturedly after that, and changed the subject. Well, only partly changed the subject, that is. Joey had suggested that if Mikki wasn’t going to run a personal ad, maybe she’d be interested in the new guy Carl had hired to work in the kitchen. Mikki had threatened death by coffee, and the three of them had laughed openly ‘til their sides hurt. Mikki had to admit, as exasperating as her two best friends were, she still wouldn’t trade them for anything in the world. A few weeks had passed since that night. Although Mikki had hoped they would get over it, they hadn’t let the subject die ever since, which didn’t really surprise her. The two of them were now sitting cross-legged on the floor in Mikki’s living-room with newspapers spread all over her carpet, where they had been pouring over the personal ads. For a long time they’d had their heads together, in a pose that had made Mikki uneasy since it looked a lot like they were plotting something, whispering together and purposely keeping her out of their private joke. Joey’s straight jet black hair hung low past her shoulders and Max’s mass of red Irish curls bobbed lightly as they chuckled between themselves, and two pairs of eyes.... one dark, one blue... looked up at her like puppy dogs wanting to be taken home from the pet shop. One of them had just pointed out a particular ad for Mikki to read, telling her she should send one in just like it and see what came of it. She had begrudgingly read it, then tossed it back without paying any attention to where it landed. “People should be able to find a partner without resorting to something like this.” She shot a warning glance over her shoulder at her friends and added in a stern voice, “That is IF they want one. This is so... so... impersonal.” She threw up her hands in exasperation. “I dunno.” Joey mused. “You can learn a lot about a person from what they write in a letter. How they express themselves in print is often much different than how they act face to face. And there is, of course, the lack of the distraction one has when physical appearance comes into play.” Mikki glared at her. Joey had studied drama at University. She was a master at appearances, able to marry voice tone and facial expression to achieve just about any effect she wanted. She’d also been on the debating team and had worked for the University newspaper before landing her current newspaper job after graduation. Mikki was certain that the manipulation of the written word wasn’t at all foreign to her either. As she looked at Joey, Mikki considered that perhaps her friend should have gone into politics. Joey stood up and stretched her legs and gently tossed the pile of the papers on the table beside Mikki, the ad she had just read folded conspicuously outward, then poked her finger down directly on the offending ad. “Why don’t you live dangerously for a change, Mikki, just once.” she said. “Joey, this is not an act, it’s my life.” Mikki argued. ”I happen to like my life the way it is, and if ever I feel something is missing, I’ll handle it myself thank you. Until such time, I would appreciate it if the two of you would stop trying to find me a husband. Choosing a life partner isn’t exactly something to live dangerously about. Why not concentrate on your own love-lives?” She raised a questioning eyebrow at them. “It’s more fun meddling in yours.” Joey giggled, and the two of them flashed her their most mischievous grins. “Maybe there is the most wonderful man out there, but he’s too shy to approach a beautiful young woman in person. The personal ads are the perfect place for a man like him.” Max suggested. Mikki groaned and rolled her eyes. “Then let him write to that beautiful young woman, and leave me alone!” The three of them burst out laughing, and Mikki hoped this would finally be the end of it. Max shrugged and headed for the door, with Joey close at her heels. “You shouldn’t knock it ‘til you’ve tried it, that’s all I can say.” Max said cheerily, and then with a wave they were gone. As the door closed behind them Mikki glanced at the newspaper. The words of the ad they had singled out stared up at her from the page. She noticed that the girl who had placed it was the same age as she was. There was still so much of her life ahead of her, so much to see, to enjoy, to experience. Life didn’t have to revolve around men and romance. There was plenty of time left for that later, when the right man came along, completely without the aid of a newspaper personal ad, she’d know, and when he did, then she’d consider what to do about it. With a shake of her head and a sigh, she turned the paper over and headed to her room. Michelle Kristine Johnson, Mikki to her friends and family, was in her second year teaching grade one and two at Elmdale Primary School. Since she’d been a little girl she had known she wanted to be a teacher. She remembered lining her dolls up on their little chairs in her bedroom when she’d been in kindergarten and ‘teaching’ them. When she’d gotten older the dolls had been replaced by various friends, and when they played school Mikki was always the teacher. Later she’d actually turned her childhood dream into more than just play by helping out any of her classmates who didn’t understand something. It had been no surprise to her parents that teaching was her chosen profession after high school graduation. Now that she had finally accomplished it, she enjoyed her job immensely. However, although she loved the children and couldn’t imagine doing anything else, teaching was a more demanding job than it once had been, and her class was a lively bunch. Just as with most jobs these days, more was expected of you than there seemed to be time in the day to do. At the end of her work week the last thing she wanted to do was stay out all night partying. She was just as happy staying home with a good book and her favourite CD, and until recently she had also enjoyed the company of her two best friends. That was, at least, until the two of them had made it their personal crusade to hitch Mikki up with a boyfriend. Although she adamantly insisted otherwise, they seemed to think her life was passing her by and that she would be much better off in the company of an affectionate man. The fact that neither of them had any particularly special man in their lives at the moment seemed an unimportant factor in the equation. They had decided that it was Mikki who needed a man right now, and they were going to do anything in their power to get her one. After all, what were best friends for? Mikki and Maxine had grown up together. If she ever tried, Mikki couldn’t remember a time when Max hadn’t been part of her life. Except perhaps that one time when Max’s date for the fifth grade dance had left her standing at the door and asked Mikki to dance instead. Max hadn’t spoken to her for what seemed like forever, but was in reality only two days, until their mothers had managed to trick them into realizing how stupid they were being. As young girls they had spent as much time at each other’s homes as they had at their own homes. They’d shared clothes, shared toys, and shared secrets. Through highschool they had remained close despite the fact that Mikki had devoted most of her time to her grades while Max had been on every sports team she could fit into her schedule. After graduation, no one had been at all surprised when they had attended the same university. It was there they had met Joey, and from the first day the three of them had been inseparable. Fellow students had begun calling them The Three Musketeers, partly because they all had masculine nicknames, and partly for the fact that rarely was one found without the other two close by. They had gone everywhere together; seen each other through mid terms and finals; new boyfriends and break-ups. After college, Joey had returned home where she had a job waiting for her, and Mikki had been so excited when she’d been offered her first teaching job in Joey’s hometown. They’d cried buckets as she and Max had said their good-byes, heading in opposite directions for the first time in their lives. Six months later, when Max announced she’d landed a position at Elmdale Secondary School as Phys. Ed. teacher and senior girls basketball coach, it had been a day of great celebration. And so, from that point on it never once occurred to any of them that they wouldn’t continue to see each other through many more of life’s ups and downs over the years to come. The fact that Mikki wasn’t the slightest bit interested in finding either a boyfriend or a husband didn’t seem to stop the other two from making it their duty to see her through the finding of one, seemingly at all cost. * * * Mikki made her way out of school balancing a pile of papers and books. It had been an exceptionally hectic day. There had been a special play presented to the students in the morning, and a fun-day scheduled for most of the afternoon. This had livened up even the quietest of the children, and Mikki now heaved a sigh of relief. A day with twenty-three rambunctious six and seven year olds was tiring enough at the best of time, but play-day always seemed to wear her out. She was looking forward to a relaxing soak in the tub with a good book to rejuvenate. That was before she rounded the corner to find Max and Joey leaning against her car looking smugly in her direction. “What’s up with you two? You look like a couple of cats who just ate the prize canary.” “We just thought we’d deliver your mail.” Mikki eyed them cautiously. “What mail?” Joey giggled. “The replies to your personal ad.” Mikki eyed them accusingly. “What personal ad?” She knew these girls well, and she could tell by the look on their faces that they’d been up to something. Suddenly, she had a sinking feeling that she knew exactly what that something was. “Might I remind you two that I did not run a personal ad.” “True, but we did. The ad we showed you the other night.” Max explained, trying rather unsuccessfully to keep a straight face. “It was you.” Max’s eyes lit up with excitement now that their secret was out, and she blurted out the rest of what she had to say as if she couldn’t talk fast enough. “All personal ad respondents have to send their replies directly to a box number at the paper, and Joey went over to the ad department today to check for responses. Look!” she giggled like a school girl as the two of them brought their hands out from behind their backs and shoved piles of envelopes towards her. “Just look at all the men who want to go out with you!” She shoved her stack of letters closer to her friend as if to accentuate their presence. “Go out with her?” Joey laughed teasingly. “Max, these men want to marry her.” Mikki glared at them and headed towards her car, hoping that if she ignored them they would go away, thought she thought it highly unlikely. “I’m not reading them.” She said flatly to her two friends as she slid into the driver’s seat. “You can do whatever you want with those letters, but I’m having nothing to do with them.” “Mikki!” Max exclaimed. “These guys took the time to respond in good faith, you owe it to them to at least read what they have to say.” “Good faith?” She looked at her friend, green eyes wide in disbelief. “You certainly didn’t place that ad in good faith! They responded under false pretenses. I told you I’m not reading them.” “Mikki!” they chorused. “No!” Mikki repeated, closing the door between them and driving away. Of course, she knew better than to think that would be the end of it, and as she pulled up outside her building she wasn’t the least bit surprised that Max pulled up and parked right behind her. The two girls climbed out of Max’s car prepared to continue the conversation right where it had been left off. “I’m not reading them!” Mikki accentuated, holding up her hand to silence them before they had a chance to speak first. Without even looking at her friends, she headed straight into the building. Joey shrugged as the three of them made their way to Mikki’s apartment. “Well, we’re going to read them.” she announced. “Who knows what we might find in this pile of envelopes! If nobody reads them the perfect husband could be lost in the trash can.” Joey placed her hand over her heart and tilted her head back, her voice tainted with mock sorrow, but her acting wasn’t going to get her anywhere this time. Mikki waved her hand behind her and started to pull her shirt over her head as she disappeared into her bedroom to change out of her school clothes. Let them pour over those stupid letters, she thought to herself, what did she care? They’d placed the ad, they could read the letters. It seemed fair enough. Humour them, let them have their fun. Just as long as they understood that she wanted nothing to do with it. Nothing! When she returned, dressed more comfortably in a tank top and shorts, shaking her long auburn hair loose from the elastic that had held it in place at work,, her living-room looked like a campaign headquarters. Joey and Max had the letters spread out around themselves all over her living-room floor. Some were still in their envelopes, others were scattered in piled here and there. Mikki eyed them with one eyebrow raised, almost afraid to ask if there was any semblance of order to their chaos, and not at all certain she wanted to know anyway. “Rejects.” Max explained calmly, pointing to one of the piles. Then she waved a finger towards another pile. “Possibilities.” Mikki groaned and rolled her eyes and dropped into the armchair, tossing her legs over the arm. “You two are wasting your time.” She reminded them. “Oh, look at this one!” Joey shrieked in feigned excitement, ignoring her friend’s comment. “I love a woman with green eyes. I’m free next weekend, we can get married then.” Max rocked on the floor laughing. “That’s it! He’s the one!” Mikki gave the two of them a cold stare and Joey cleared her throat and put on her very best serious face. “Reject?” She asked innocently, giving Mikki her big questioning eyes. “Reject.” Mikki nodded, then shifted in her chair. “They’re all rejects! Every one of them, I don’t want anything to do with any of them!” she groaned. Joey obligingly tossed the offending letter into the pile that Max had said was the rejects, and picked up another one off the pile in the center of the floor. Ripping it open she peered inside, humming to herself as her way of letting Mikki know she wasn’t paying any attention to her objections. “Oh, look! This one sent his picture.” She squealed, as she reached into the envelope to pull out the letter and snapshot. Max leaned in to get a better look. “Let me see! Let me see!” She said, eagerly. Joey’s eyes opened wide. “Oh!” “What?” Max asked, just before her own eyes caught sight of the photo. “Oh!” she exclaimed. She grabbed the picture out of Joey’s hand and began twisting it from side to side as if trying to decide which was the top. “I want this one for myself!” “Oh no you don’t!” Joey argued, snatching the picture back . “He’s mine! I saw him first.” “Well, technically, you haven’t seen all of him yet.” Max reminded her. “I don’t care.” Joey laughed. “I like what I have seen!” Mikki threw up her hands in disgust and groaned. “Girls, this is utterly ridiculous. Give it up! I told you I’m not answering any of those letters, so you might as well quit reading them. You’ve just proven to me, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that it’s all a big farce anyway. How can you expect me to take any of these seriously? There’s only one thing I can think of to do with those letters.” She stood up and shoved a wastebasket in their direction. “Oh all right.” Joey pouted, and tossed a few of the rejected letters into the basket. “I’ll admit, some of these guys aren’t very serious,” She said, giving the picture a thoughtful glance before dumping it in the trash. “but there has to be at least one in all of these that would catch your attention?” Mikki stood her ground, hands on her hips, glaring down at Joey. Her friend continued to look at her with a pout for a few more seconds, then sighed and reluctantly began to add a few more letters to the wastebasket. “Like this one!” Max cooed, her eyes riveted to the letter she had been engrossed in. “Oh Mikki, if you don’t want him, please, can I have him! He’s positively dreamy.” Mikki groaned louder. “Max, give it up!” Maxine lifted her eyes, the giddy, girlish teasing replaced by a serious expression on her face. “Oh no Mikki, I’m serious! This guys is perfect!” Joey snatched the letter from her hand, her curiosity peaked, and started reading. Immediately her expression changed, and she said absolutely nothing until she had read the entire letter. “She’s right Mikki. This is the one.” “He is not the one, because there isn’t going to be a ‘one’.” Mikki insisted. “I told you, I’m not responding to any of those letters. I’m not reading them, I’m not writing back, I’m not meeting them.... I’m having nothing to do with any of them.” “But Mikki....” Max pleaded, trying to convince her, holding the letter out. “Just read it.” “No!” Mikki knew her friends well, and over the years they’d all played their share of practical jokes and such on each other. She’d been just as guilty as the others, but this time they’d pushed her too far. She’d had enough of their matchmaking and it was time she put an end to it once and for all. She turned and left the room, emerging within a few short seconds with her laundry basket in hand and headed towards the door, announcing as she went that she expected all the letters to be cleaned up and thrown out by the time she returned. To her surprise, when she did finally rejoin them, there was no sign that there had ever been any letters anywhere. Every last one of them was stuffed into the wastebasket....except one. Max and Joey sat on the couch practically drooling over what they considered the perfect match for their friend. “Please Mikki, just read it.... for us?” The two girls gave her their best pleading expression as one of them held the letter out to her. Reluctantly she snatched the letter from them, then without even giving it a second glance, she dumped it in the wastebasket with the others. “Please close the door behind you when you leave.” She said as she turned on her heel and left the room.